Government to distribute ENO sachets.

New Delhi: In an attempt to respite general public form the hike in the LPG prices and availability of only six subsidized gas cylinders, Manmohan Singh lead UPA today came up with a new scheme to solve the Gas problem of the aam admi.

Jaipal Reddy, Union Petroleum Minister today in a press conference announced that Government will be giving free ENO sachets to all people who are below poverty line in an attempt to solve their gas related problems. He said, "Yes you see... Gas problem in India too much!! Government doing the help too much.. Now we will give free ENO sachets to all people who are below poverty line."

Manish Tiwari, Congress Spokes person said,"I hope this will prove the fact that our government is really sentimental of the problems faced by the Common man. And now with ENO been distributed all the gas related problems will be solved in 6 seconds and thats really fast. MIND IT."

Experts claim this to be a sole initiative of government trying to avert the commoners from the corruption allegations and luring people for the coming 2014 elections.

Mean while, Opposition is determined to attack government on the step claiming that the new scheme is nothing except a yet another false promise.
We shall keep you updated.  

Please note: The story above is entirely fake.
-Siddhant Sharma

Samsung faces protest for designing products specifically for Humans

New Delhi: In yet another blow to Samsung Technologies Ltd who have already lost the patent war to Apple, a PIL was been filed today by social activist and MP, Menka Gandhi in the Supreme Court of India against the company claiming that the company is distinguishing between animals and human biengs.

Menka Gandhi said, " This is totally unjust! How can they design any product which is been specifically designed for humans? Are animals different? They also eat, drink, moove and do other things like human. I will fight for the animals. I will shout just like my colleagues have been shouting in the Parliament off lately." 

The step seems to have been welcomed by the PETA, An organisation for the rights of animals. Sanddep Dubey, who has been associated with the organisation said," Menka ji has done the correct thing, We support her for the cause. Samsung being an International Brand should restrain from doing anything which can create any unbias attitude towards animals. We will soon be doing a photo-shoot with Sunny Leone for the cause. You can donate for it. WE ACCEPT BLANK CHEQUES TOO."

Even Human too were facing problems due to the said tagline, Ranjan Sahai, A Call Center employee said, "I faced a lot of problems due to this. I had baught an all new Samsung Galaxy SIII which was forcibly been taken by my friend Suraj claiming that I am a pet dog of my GF and the phone is been specifically been designed for Humans."

"Practically we all are animals and all of us have evolved from monkeys in millions of years. Some people still exist who were unable to develop completely and still look like a Monkey, Eg. Andrew Symonds, Ex Aussie cricketer." Said Miss Rachita Rana, a Biology teacher.

Arthur D. Levinson Chairman of the Board, Apple Inc. on the launch of I-Phone 5 said," Unlike our competitors, our phones are designed for all. Samsung had designed product only for humans just to hide their problems with the screen of their phone. They knew that with animals using their phone, The screen will be more susceptible to the scratches. New Iphone5 is is Scratch free and that is why it is bit expensive. "

Mean while Ashok Todi, owner of Lux Cozy (one of India's leading underwear brands) said," It was simply unacceptable! Accha hua Menka filed a case else we were about to file a case! Arre How can they say that their product is designed for humans?? Are our products not designed for humans?? I request them to wear our undergarment once... Even they will say only this is designed for humans, after all humara to aaram ka maamla hai!" 

The alien community too was against the new product as Jadoo from Koi Mil gaya was heard crying. 

Samsung Mobiles, CEO Shin john-Kyun Said, "Another legal fight!! We are ready to face any one. We have only done justice to mankind by launching yet another phone which has double the features of I-phone and lesser the price. It is designed for humans." 
Amir Khan who is brand ambassador of the product in India tweeted, #Shahrukh has no Samsung SIII but I have one! Guess he is what?

We are keeping an eye on the proceedings of the case and will report you on further soon. 

-Siddhant Sharma 
(Please Note: The Story is entirely fake)

DLF quits as official sponsor of IPL. Will sponsor TV serial Bade Acche Lagte hain

NEW DELHI: The Indian Premier League has lost its title sponsor after real estate giant DLF declined to renew its five-year deal, a company spokesman said on Tuesday.

"We have just stepped off the IPL," said DLF group executive director Rajeev Talwar. He further added, "We have had enough of Cricket and now we want to shift focus on other things."

Reportedly the Real Estate giants are now looking g forward to work with Television industry. Sources from the Balaji Telefilms Limited confirmed that DLF soon will be sponsoring their hit TV show, Bade Acche Lagte hain.
The writing team has been given instructions to make suitable changes in the dialogues of the show. So from now on the female lead, Priya will be heard conversing with the male fat lead Ram like, " Ram kal jab tumne mujhe or humari beti pihu ko apna lia. Wo mere liye meri life ka DLF moment tha."

The changes apparently have not been welcomed neither by the writing team nor by the star cast. Sakshi Tanwar, a.k.a Priya, said," I don't know what should I say!! I have already been alleged to be posing too sexual once while shooting for the show and now with the new set of dialogues my image will go further down and I will be nothing but a laughing-stock." 

Ekta Kapoor was unavailable as she is busy shooting for her next movie whose name, place, actors, directors are still not known. But the movie will star all time flop actor and his brother, Tushar Kapoor. ONCE AGAIN!!

On the other side BCCI today announced that MDH masale will be the official sponsor for the IPL. Rajeev Shukla, President IPL said, " MDH Massale will be the new sponsor of DLF sorry IPL now. I have also whispered the same in the ears of the speaker of Rajya Sabha as a matter of custom."

We came to know that the logo of the IPL too is going to be changed. The new logo will now feature the same Old man as is seen in MDH TVCs. The new logo would be revealed soon, but the sources tell, Old man will be seen holding bat with MDH branding on it! 

Directions for new cricket commentary have also been issued. The new commentaries will be some what like, " This is seriously the MDH masaledaar moment for Virat kohli. What a brilliant way to abuse audiences again. He did it in Australia. He does it here too."

People say that with the growing controversies in the league, the new title sponsors will make it spicier.
Mahashay Dharmpal, owner MDH, said," We will promote cricket and also our products. All the Man of the Match winners will be given an year subscription of our MDH masale. We have few other plans too, but too early to comment on them."

Meanwhile Lalit Modi, Fomer IPL commissioner tweeted,mere bina to sale title sponsor b nh sambhal paye#
With the declining viewership, we just hope that new sponsors bring some good luck for both IPL and Bade Acche Lagte hain.

-Siddhant Sharma
Please Note: The Story is fake entirely.

Kalmadi given clean chit after preliminary investigation

NEW DELHI: The recent developments in CWG Scam has raised many eye brows with the name of Mr. Suresh Kalmadi been omitted by CBI ( Recently known, Congress Bureau of Investigation) in its recent submissions.

The Charge-sheet says, "Sanjay Mohindroo obtained the approval of chairman (OC) on October 24, 2008 for making exorbitant payment of 146,868 pounds to AM Films UK Ltd and in conspiracy with T S Darbari and M Jeychandran fraudulently got the said payment released from CWG OC."

The news as it broke was celebrated by Congress supporters. There were mass rallies all around the country where in jubilant Kalmadi fans went on singing and dancing. Local NSUI group had prepared an all new track for the occasion "Chodo kal ki baatein, Kal ki baat purani, Nayi government me likhenge firse nayi kahani.. wo kalmadi.... wo kalmadi......."

Suresh Kalmadi was really happy and emotional. With tears in his eyes he said " I always believed that I will make it. I will thank my God, congress for giving me support. At one moment I thought its all over, but luckily our CBI did great job." Kalmadi went on to add, " I always hated being left out kid, I remember my days at St. Vincent's High School, Pune, I had my ways of doing things but people called me cheater. I made new rules but people called me loser. But I was over-confident about my ways and I managed to stick on them. Today whole world knows how wonderfully I organised CWG on and off play field. I had been saying since first day that I was not involved in this I was busy in looking after the stadiums." When we asked him that the stadiums too weren't completed on time, he reprimanded, "Now that to was my responsibility?? It had to be done by engineers and construction parties. I was just looking after that no builder starts any illegal construction. And I was successful in it. BITCH PLEASE.

Reacting to the situation PM Manmohan Singh said, "Suresh had done nothing wrong. He only reacted as any prudent person would have had reacted to the situation. Luckily to my surprise there are many prudent people in our party."

Sonia Gandhi in a press conference said,"With India's most busted sorry trusted organisation giving almost a clear chit to Suresh, I think it makes the view clear that our Government is Clinic All Clear. Now if any one says a word against us we will break his Heads and Shoulders."

We happen to meet some one who was silent on the matter so far infact people even snubbed his existence. Its Mr. Ramesh Kalmadi younger brother of Mr. Suresh Kalmadi. He said," Bhaiaa is innocent. He is just suffering from anterograde amnesia wohi jo Ghajini me Aamir ko hua tha. Bhaiaa forget things easily and quickly.We face this problem in house too. I remember how he kept on signing cheques and kept paying people. He was misused for his innocence and childish attitude."

Opposition party leader Miss Sushma Swaraj said," We are not shocked with this, Government has been doing this before and it did it again. We demand PM should resign."

After this Mr A. Raja has filed new petition is Supreme Court asking his inquiry to be done by CBI only.

We contacted CBI Director, Amar Pratap Singh. He said," Please do not take things to be final. This is not the last. We are still working."
And He did meant his words, CBI yesterday filed a new FIR against Mr. Kalmadi. Looks like worries are still not over for Mr. Kalmadi.
We will keep you updated for more.
-Siddhant Sharma
Please Note: The Story is fake entirely.

Coalgate Scam makes Manmohan Singh shout for the first time

NEW DELHI: It's official now. The Comptroller and Auditor General (CAG) has said that the government extended windfall gains of Rs 1.86 lakh crore to private players by distributing coal blocks without bidding over years. 

CAG's report, on what has now come to be known as 'Coalgate', was tabled in Parliament on Friday along with the auditor's findings on similar undue benefits for the promoters of Delhi International Airport Ltd and the Sasan ultra-mega power project in Madhya Pradesh. 

As usual Government denied any possibility of loss and passed the baton to State Governments claiming that the state governments were against any bidding for the distribution of Coal blocks. With 2G and CWG scams already hitting government hard the recent 'Coalgate' scam is only going to make it difficult for PM and company to sit on their seats and opposition will not miss single opportunity to put more pressure on Government.

Manish Tiwari, Congress spokesperson in a press conference said," The Government has not pulled out any scam. Please do not spread any rumours. We are working for nation. See we have saved Rs 1.86 lakh crore of aam aadmi. Ek to ek hum sasti cheezein bech rahe hain and instead of saying thank you. You guys are questioning us? Isn't that shameful. We are shameless that doesn't mean you guys have to act the same way."

Mr. Shivraj Patil, Union Home minister said,"We wont tolerate any false rumors. Any person caught spreading false rumors wont be spared. He will be sent to holiday with Digvijay Singh and our Rahul baba (Rahul Gandhi) will be staying in his home during Election campaigns."

When our correspondent reached out to Mr. Lallu Prashad Yadav, whose party is in alliance with UPA seemed baffled when we asked him his views on 'Coalgate' report by CAG. He asked,"Coalgate?? Toothpaste?? ab us me kaun sa ghafla kar di goverment?."

After a long time Sonia Gandhi spoke. She said, " As promised our government is doing unforgettable work." 

 Sources claim that Government is trying to prove that Manmohan Singh is also a worthy person in the party and people must take him seriously. 

Coal minister Sriprakash Jaiswal said, "The policy adopted to allocate coal blocks was not faulty. There could not be a more transparent policy for allocation. The policy was so transparent that while the deal was been done all the officials present in the room were naked. Ab isse zyada transparent kya hoga?? "

PM Manmohan Singh reacted to the allegation by shouting( He did shout), on media saying," If allegations are proved I will retire from politics. And STOP LAUGHING YOU ALL. I am only 80 now. I will fight sorry contest next elections too"

 Mean while Today in the morning A.Raja tweeted, Hats off to Manmohan. You rock brother!!

Coming up in defence,  PMO, V Narayanasamy, said the CAG had exceeded its mandate. "The report has not been tested by Parliament. The PAC will examine it, then we will see what view emerges," he said. 

Well we have an eye on everything and will update you soon on next findings.
-Siddhant Sharma
Please Note: The story is entirely fake.

Part Of Judiciary is corrupt: Mamta Banerjee

Kolkata: A new controversy has erupted with Mamta Banerjee calling a piece of Indian Judiciary as 'Corrupt' and ready for 'Sale'. Fiery Mamta said "aami jaani aamar upoor re case hote pore thik aache kore dao case ( I know there can be a case against me for this, I am ready bring it onn!) " Looks like our didi is sure that she will buy judges and get decision in her favor.

Union Law Minister Mr. Salman Khurshid said, " I don't know why she (Mamta) is making such comments. Already our ship is sinking and she is adding more shit on it. We cant even say anything to her. Guys please Judiciary is not for sale but yes My two room set in Greater Kailash-I is available for rent. Any one interested can mail me at Salmanbadbola@Upa.gov.in." 

When we approached Mr. Manmohan Singh for his comments he started reciting his speech for 15th August. On being told that he has already given the same speech in the morning and nation has heard it he modestly said, "I know that I have given this speech before but I have no permission to speak a word further than this." while we were about to leave his place he silently whispered, " You people go to 10 Janpath for interview, mera naam mat lena par please." For those who do no know 10 Janpath is Sonia Gandhi's address!

Mohan Singh, MP said," I don't know if judiciary is also on sale or not. We have many other things on sale like votes, questions to be asked in parliament etc. Let it be then. After all these judges have also a right to income."

Kiran Bedi tweeted, Media shows a small rape with so details but does nothing on corrupt judiciary.

Former Telecom Minister Mr. A raja said, " Thanks Mamta for your support. I have tried. Now lets see. Fingers crossed."

Baba Ramdev Said, "Accha sahi me?? Bhai to firjudge se setting karwa k do teen kamre hume High Court me dila do Anshan or Ashram dono k liye bhadiya jagha hai. Kaala dhan laao and judge ko kharido."

Opposition party leader Vijay Kymar Goyal said, " The whole government is corrupt. This has had impact on judiciary too. Our party wants that PM must resign now."

-Siddhant Sharma

Please Note: The story is entirely fake.

Airtel Advertisement to be banned: Supreme Court

New Delhi: Supreme Court today issued notice to Bharti group to immediately stop the telecast of their new advertisement showcasing people singing ' jo tera hai wo mera hai jo mera hai wo tera' for their telecom services Airtel.

It all started with a PIL been filed by Mumbai based businessman Suraj Kumar who alleges that his business partners took away all his shares in his firm this friendship day teasing him jo tera hai wo mera hai..... He says, " I had no other option but to file a suit for recovery."

There had been repeatedly worries since the advertisement was been telecast. 

Rameshwar singh a local dealer said, " hadd hogai hai!! Few days back a guy came and started to get cozy with my wife, when I stopped him he said abe saale karne de meri bhi biwi hai ye because jo tera hai wo mera hai..... I said wo to theek hai mera tera hai koi baat nahi... par teri to shaadi he nahi hui hai!! What should I do..."

Roy who is an engineering student said, " Thankfully this advertisement is over, Now my undergarments will not be wore by my room-mates."

A large number of people also believe that the riots going on in Assam are also due to this advertisement. " People in Assam feel insecure due to this advertisement " said Mr Tarun Gagoi, CM, Assam.

All the TV channels have been issued notices as to non telecast of the advertisement.

Sanjay Kapoor, CEO, Bharti Airtel group said, " This is really sad. We didn't thought that the advertisement will be banned. We had only motive to increase more customers by taking the advantage of Friendship Day."

- Siddhant Sharma
(Please note: The story is entirely fake)